As I slowly prepare to close out 2020, I have to start preparing for the next chapter of my life, which includes looking for a new job in the Bay Area, planning my 2021 wedding, doing a possible name change, replacing the washer/dryer and refrigerator in my apartment before I move out and hiring someone to repaint my apartment before I rent it out in the Spring. As you can see, there are a ton of things I need to do before I leave the east coast.
I don’t know why I’ve been prolonging redoing my resume and applying for a new job. Is it laziness? Fear of rejection? Or possibly the anxiety of uprooting my life and moving to the unknown? Maybe it’s a combination of all of the above? What I do know is that once I leave my current job, I certainly want to take 2 weeks off as a break before I start my next gig. I can’t imagine jumping right in and working immediately after spending 5.5 years working at this hedge fund. It’s been rough and long, to say the least. As I’m blogging, my mind is thinking of all the work I need to take care of once I log in later this afternoon during my week off…so much for that nice, relaxing week off, right? I just really hope they give me a nice bonus, so I can pay for the wedding, purchase next machinery for my apartment, get my apartment repainted and put some into savings. I *may* get a Cartier loving wedding band as a symbol of self-love, but I’m on the fence about that — it just seems like a waste of $1,100, don’t you think? I wanted to get another Tiffany’s ring, but I don’t love any of their recent designs.
Anyway, back to this job search. I’ve been working as a “HR Associate” or “Head of HR” or “HR Manager” for the past 5.5 years. I’ve certainly gained experience in many areas, but the areas where I wanted to gain experience — compensation/total rewards/analytics — is where this job lacked opportunity. Those are three critical areas I wanted to pursue here, which I was not afforded the opportunity because finance maintains comp and total rewards. Don’t ask me why HR isn’t privy to compensation. Just don’t ask. I am now 5.5 years stale of compensation and analytics reporting experience. Interviewing for a new job in the Bay Area will be a joy, knowing that analytics and reporting is one of their top criteria…I’m so f*cked.
I guess I need to stop procrastinating and finding reasons to not apply and just do it. Like my brother once said to me, “It doesn’t matter how many places say ‘no’, it just takes that one place to say ‘yes’.” Here’s to hoping I get hired by a great company where I’ll learn, appreciate the corporate culture, and I’ll have the opportunity to take my dog to work and occasionally fly home to NY for work and to see my family.
If I must be honest, I’m scared sh*tless of the next chapter of my life. I’m not excited. I’m scared. I’ve been used to this routine of a life for the past 5.5 years. Like most people, I’m afraid of change. I’m afraid that I won’t be good enough. I’ll just be a cog in the wheel and end up being a nobody, which is my greatest fear. I never wanted to be a nobody; I always wanted to be a somebody. Here’s to hoping an amazing organization will hire me in the next 6 weeks, so I can resign in February, and be reunited with my fiancee by April 2021 after being separated since September 2020. *fingers crossed*
